Friday, December 31, 2010

Embracing love

Despite being a hopeless romantic, I'm infatuated with tragic love stories. Maybe it's because they seem more genuine, or maybe the love just feels stronger when contrasted against loss and heartache. Either way, they make my heart want to explode.

I've always been very idealistic when it comes to relationships. While I'm hopeful for my very own storybook ending, I'm beginning to wonder if it's really that important. Sometimes even genuine love is fleeting. And finding genuine love, for even a moment, is worth everything, even a broken heart.

So here are my favorite tragic love stories. Each one offers real-life lessons that fairy tales leave out.

Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind
Love is messy. Sometimes we'd rather forget than let go, but neither is easy.

I never really know how to feel at the end of this movie. Should I be happy because they can walk away in ignorant bliss, with their hearts still in tact? Should I feel sad because they lost their moments together, and they have no memory of how beautiful their love was? I just don't know -- maybe it's because I have no idea what I would do in their situation.

Sometimes I wish I could erase my memories so I could eliminate my unrealistic expectations for future relationships. I feel like it would make my life a lot easier.

But relationships are meant to be learning experiences, and they have certainly played an important role in my own self discovery. Over the years, I've learned that I can let myself be vulnerable; that it is OK to question my beliefs; and that I can be very patient, giving and selfless. I'm also strong enough to be on my own.

I always had a hard time understanding the expression, "it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." I felt that even the happiest memories would seem sad when the person is no longer in your life. But now, after surviving a lost love, I'm not sure I would opt to have my memory erased just to be left with an aching emptiness. The memories I'd miss the most are the trivial, seemingly inconsequential ones. It's in these brief moments that my love felt indestructible.

500 Days of Summer
Sometimes love is one-sided. When grieving over a relationship, it's easy to obsess over the happy memories and overlook its flaws.

It's hard not to love a movie starring dreamboat Joseph Gordon-Levitt, especially when he plays a gushing romantic. In the film, he falls in love with a girl named Summer. He gives his heart fully -- without a moment's hesitation -- only to have it crushed.

While it was obvious that Summer was only along for the ride, his naivety left him blind-sided by the breakup.

Moving on after your heart has been crushed isn't easy, and fantasizing about fluttering hearts and first kisses only prolongs the healing process. As those happy, romantic experiences are replayed over and over again, the unhappy (but very real) memories of fights and hurt feelings become blurry. You're left with a distorted perception of what really was, and letting go becomes a daunting task.

The movie was very familiar to me. My big love was everything, and when it fell apart, I was devastated. All I could do was try to preserve my memory of love, so I would never forget what it felt like, so I would never settle for anything less.

In the beginning, it was easy to think back on the positive memories. But as time went on, and I began to evaluate the relationship with an unbiased heart, I realized that no matter how hard I tried, I kept falling short in his eyes. To have something I believed in with all my heart disproved, left me feeling lost.

But that's the reality of love. The only way to find it is to risk it all.

Vanilla Sky
It's easy to fall in love with the idea of being in love. Timing really is everything.

Who doesn't want to be in love? Movies and books make it seem like love is all you need to make anything right. But it's not. Love can be hard - it's full of compromises, surprises, and decisions.

And despite our efforts, sometimes we're doomed for failure simply because the timing isn't right. It's frustrating - especially once you've grown up and realize that what should have been could never be.

Blue Valentine
When love is it's strongest, you have the most to lose. Sometimes people grow apart.

I saw Blue Valentine as soon as it came out. I knew it was going to be sad, but I think that's why I wanted to see it. I wanted to see a movie that was real. I wanted to see a genuine portrayal of love -- beautiful and ugly.

Yes, the ending was sad, but the story was an evolution of their relationship. The only reason it ended in tragedy was because their early years were filled with so much love. Unfortunately, it's often hard to sustain a relationship so intense, particularly when you still have so much growing up to do.

Although my heart may have a few scars, it also has empty pockets waiting to be filled in with love. I look forward to one day having a patchwork heart, made from pieces of all the people who entered my life and shared their love.

Sunday, November 14, 2010


Has it really been over a month since my last post? What a slacker.

My blog isn't the only thing that's suffering. There are still many items left on my annual to-do lists, and they're supposed to be finished in two months, just in time for the release of a third list. Yikes!

How am I supposed to camp on the beach and go skinny dipping in December? Perhaps I should get a passport, plan an exotic vacation and cross all four things off at once.

I might be slow to check things off, but at least I'm still making progress. October was filled with delicious pumpkin beer and several beer festivals. My #4 was an easy (and fun) one to accomplish.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Word doodle attempt

I thought I'd try something different. I've been reading a lot of posts by Peter DeWolfe and wanted to try writing my very own "word doodle."

I reached
for his hand,
but he preemptively
slid his fingers
in his pocket.
He hates holding hands
because, he says,
"we can never decide"
whose hand
should go on top.
I hug his arm
as if to say
"you're mine,
even if I can't
have your hand."
The wind is strong.
And chilly.
I squeeze tighter.
He looks down
with a sideways smirk.
"You know,
I'll always love you.
Even when you're old
and fat."

Monday, October 4, 2010


Because I love lists and stink at writing lately, I thought I'd come up with a list of random things that inspire me. Maybe it'll help me get out of my funk.

  1. The subway: I've seen pretty much everything on the subway, including mini break-dance performances, a dude's junk, an old lady playing a recorder (you know, those plastic flutes elementary school kids play in music class) and complete strangers falling asleep on each other (as seen in the picture above). There are a lot of interesting (and weird) people out there, and you never know who will get on the next stop.
  2. Dharma jam! I haven't been to one of these in a while, but they are unbelievably awesome. It's basically an excuse for a bunch of hippies to jump around and "move creatively through space." It's so much fun to act like a complete goofball and not worry what anyone thinks.
  3. Late-night/early-morning infomercials: There was a long stretch of time where I had persistent insomnia. I craved sleep, and yet as soon as I closed my eyes, my brain would go into overdrive. Many early mornings were spent on the couch watching infomercials.
  4. Western movies: This is an odd one, especially since I don't really like Western movies at all. They just remind me of when I was little, and feeling nostalgic makes me feel content and introspective.
  5. Empty city streets: I'm not a city girl by nature. I grew up in rural farm country, where cows really did outnumber the people. Sometimes I miss the quiet...and by quiet, I mean bullfrogs echoing across the pond and crickets chirping in the grass. The quiet in the city is very different. It feels eerie and artificial. It's in these creepy early-morning hours that I remember where I want to be.
  6. Dark rolling clouds: I absolutely love thunderstorms. I love the dark quietness that makes the day look like night. I love the bright flashes of lightening that streak across the blackness, and I love waiting for the rumbling thunder.
  7. Dave Matthews: Yes, I know this one is super cheeseball, but I'm OK with being a dork. I've been a Dave fan for pretty much forever. I've literally grown up on his music and feel like I've evolved with each of his albums. My favorite Dave songs are constantly changing, depending on what I'm going through at any particular time.
  8. Towering ocean waves: I love the ocean, and I love to swim, but every once in a while I swim out too far, and I underestimate the hugeness of the ocean. Feeling the pull of the current reminds me that I am so very tiny in the grand scheme of things.
What inspires you?

Wednesday, September 8, 2010


Another one bites the dust. This year's girls-only vacation came at the perfect time. It was one glorious week full of sunshine, relaxation, tasty food and creative cocktails. Here are some of the highlights:
  • 3 lobster paninis and 2 tall bloody Marys
  • 2 pounds of homemade fudge (That's right. Two pounds.)
  • 61 degrees of chilly perfection
  • 8 servings of gelato
  • 1 failed french fry prank
  • 2 accidental lockouts
  • 1 box of not-so-good, yet still-drinkable wine
  • 9 raw oysters, 6 raw clams and one dozen steamers
  • 2 espresso martinis
  • 1 disappointing attempt to fly a poorly designed kite (which may have been successful if it cost more than $5, and we didn't have to assemble it ourselves)
  • 2 trips to Race Point Beach (1 seal sighting, but 0 sharks spotted)
  • 1 amazing impersonation caught on video (even better than last year's Martha Stuart impression.)
  • 1 late library book
  • 1 spectacular sunset
  • Lots and lots of laughing

Tuesday, August 3, 2010


I've been (majorly) slacking with blog posts, but I'm still checking things off my lists and making plans to cross off several more things later this month. (Super excited to fly my first kite!)

After being appointed the new plant girl at work, the spath vines are taking over the office. They're getting caught in the filing cabinets and spilling over into people's cubes. So, I chopped off a little sprig and put it an empty tea bottle. In just a few days, new roots started growing, and #23 is DONE!

Monday, June 14, 2010

Writing is hard

Lately, I've been sucking at coming up with interesting things to write about (hence the shameless picture of my bum below).

Even my journal is slow to fill up these days. I'm not really sure what the deal is. Just when I think I may have something to say, my mind starts wandering all over the place. Like right now, I can't believe Jay-Z got a TWO-page Rolling Stone cover with absolutely no teasers. It's just a bad-ass closeup with the words, "King of America Jay-Z." I mean, I guess he's pretty awesome, but that's just unprecedented. He must be like, "I'm the shit."Also, I would like to have Beyonce's butt. I should do some squats before I go to bed.

Thanks to my lack of focus, there are 19 half-written posts sitting offline, and I just can't seem to commit to any of them. Hopefully it's just a phase because I have to write like a million and three 35 more posts to meet my goal. On the bright side, I don't have to worry about running out of pens anytime soon.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

A Moo moment

I wonder how many people saw my ass today, since I have no idea when my bootyliciousness busted my pants. I'm such a doofus, but I think it may be genetic.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010


Don't worry imaginary readers, I haven't given up on blogging. I've just been having a hard time balancing my busy schedule, which by the way, has involved several things on last year's and this year's to-do lists.

Last weekend, I FINALLY went to the new House of Blues Boston and crossed #2 off my list. Some friends came up to see the Irish rock band the Saw Doctors, and although it's not normally my type of music, the show was awesome.

Because I love lists, here's a recap of a most amazing night with some of the best people I know.
  • Burgers and beer in the sunshine.
  • Faux denim leggings. (I refuse to call them jeggings.)
  • Blueberry and habanero beers (both kind of gross, but worth trying, I guess).
  • Drunken singing and jigging with strangers.
  • Seven rings of Guinness.
  • Hilarious entertainment from excited-drunk-boy on the second floor.
  • Late-night sausage. (That's what she said.)
  • Bowling a solid 74 (and I didn't even come in last place).
  • Dancing the rest of the night away.
  • Calf raises (yum).

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

N.Y. hotel

I am in love with this song by The Knife. It's just perfect.

Sunday, March 7, 2010


Biodegradable tea bags. Cool. I decided to get these instead of my usual cranberry tea, but...

it turns out, they're individually wrapped in plastic. WTF?

Sunday, February 28, 2010


The most delicious meal on Earth:

homemade pierogies sauteed with butter and onions;

slow-cooked sauerkraut

with bacon, Worcestershire sauce and caraway seeds;

authentic Polish kielbasa and freshly baked rye bread topped with mustard and horseradish. Yum.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Color-changing cuttlefish

Since I started volunteering at the aquarium, I've been kind of obsessed with cephalopods. This group of animals includes squid, octopuses and of course, cuttlefish. Here are some of the weird-but-true facts about these amazing animals.
  • They can change color and texture rapidly
  • They have three hearts that pump blue blood
  • They have a hard, parrot-like beak that releases venom (not harmful to humans) into prey
  • They have two feeding tentacles that retract into the body and then dart out quickly to capture prey (much like a frog's tongue)
  • Their cuttlebone fills with gas, enabling it to hover
  • They squirt ink to confuse and evade predators
  • And they're ridiculously cute
Want to learn more? Come visit me.

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Lazy pieroges

From the kitchen of: Grandma Florence Sosnowski*

  • 1 pound of shell macaroni
  • 1 pound of cottage cheese
  • 8 slices of American cheese (cut in strips)
  • 1/2 stick of margarine
  • 1/2 cup of chopped onion
  • 3 tablespoons of butter or margarine

Cook macaroni. Place half the macaroni, cottage cheese and 4 slices of American cheese in a greased, 2-quart dish. Dot with half of the butter. Repeat for second layer. Saute onions and butter, and then drizzle over the macaroni mixture.

Bake at 350 for 20 minutes. Stir to blend.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

27 things to do before I turn 28

I know I'm not done with last year's list yet, but I'm closer than you think. I just haven't had the time or the right pics to blog about some of my latest accomplishments. In any case, here's this year's list.
  1. Go on a vacation somewhere new
  2. Go to Boston's new House of Blues
  3. Do at least one thing I'm totally afraid of
  4. Go to a beer fest
  5. Explore a new neighborhood near Boston
  6. Go canoeing
  7. Ride the swings
  8. Go to a hookah bar
  9. Watch a meteor shower
  10. Try water skiing
  11. Go for a motorcycle ride
  12. Make something crafty
  13. Go to a music festival
  14. Fly a kite
  15. Write at least 45 blogs this year
  16. Go to a comedy show
  17. Stop and smell fresh lilacs
  18. Invent a new creative cocktail
  19. Learn how knit or crotchet something basic
  20. Break out the clarinet
  21. Watch an old home video
  22. Learn how to play chess
  23. Get a new plant for my desk
  24. Bake and decorate cupcakes
  25. Wear a wig (and not necessarily for Halloween)
  26. Get in a snowball fight
  27. Complete the first list

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

The anti-resolution

While everyone else is busy losing weight, quitting smoking, exercising more and eating healthier, I'm indulging in everything that makes me happy. Overall, 2009 was kind of a bummer, which means 2010 is destined to be fabulous. I celebrated the first day of the new year with carb-alicious macaroni and cheese pizza and savored every bite of tasty goodness.