Warning: ridiculousness follows

This weekend I learned that paper towels, of all things, have warning labels. In utter amazement, I read: "Not recommended for use in hot conventional ovens. Do not leave crumpled paper towels in oven – they can ignite." The scary thing is, someone must have done just that – and cashed out in a lawsuit. Why else would you even think to disclaim something so silly?

I started to notice of all sorts of products and their ridiculous disclaimers. Here are some of the most outrageous I came across:

• Most hair dryers: Do not use while taking a shower. Do not use while sleeping.
• Dial soap directions: Use like regular soap.
• Toilet bowel cleaning brush: Do not use orally.
• All microwaves in the United States: Do not put pets in the microwave to dry them.
• Tampax tampons: Remove used tampon before inserting a new one.
• Portable stroller: Remove infant before folding for storage.
• On a toilet bowel cleaner: Safe to use around pets and children, although it is not recommended that either be permitted to drink from toilet.
• Liquid Plummer: Warning: Do not reuse the bottle to store beverages.
• Irons: Do not iron clothes on the body.
• Bic Lighter: Ignite lighter away from face.
• Heinz Ketchup: Instructions: Put on food.